She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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