Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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