Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
