she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
