Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
