I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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