You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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