I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize