just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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