Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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