I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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