I puked a lego.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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