Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
