i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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