Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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