ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
