Banned from zoo.
Again?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
