If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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