I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you inspire me to be a worse person
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
