There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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