for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
