talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
