I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize