apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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