fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
