I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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