We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
