Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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