I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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