i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
