a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
