I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
