Where is the hickey?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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