One girl and one boy is just not enough.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
