Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize