i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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