Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
