my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
