after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
