hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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