whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
how drunk are you?
Several
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
