I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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