Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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