Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
