Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
