Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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