My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
