Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
