So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize