p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize