This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
