I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
and she was petting her beer can
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
