There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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