Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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