I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
