Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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