Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
