Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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