Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
