My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
