I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
