Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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