Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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