but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
