Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
