do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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