If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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