The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
