Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
