It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize