I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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