Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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