I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize