If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
