mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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