We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
