How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
