Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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