you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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