don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
