It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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