I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
