I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
