C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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