so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we made out on top of his cat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
