Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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