i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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