New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you had me at cake vodka
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
