Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
