I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
