Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she was so not down for the gang bang
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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