i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
